I'm "live blogging" from the kitchen, yay!
On the menu for tonight? Chicken and gravy, mashed potatoes and fresh green beans, plus whatever fresh veggies we have in the fridge. I also made a batch of beef stew in the crock pot today, mmmm! Beef, potatoes, corn, peas, carrots and bacon, slow-cooked in beef broth and a mix of whatever spices sounded good.
Tomorrow we're looking forward to homemade french toast for breakfast and some brats and baked beans for lunch. Deeeelish!
First things first, I'd like to address my last post. The day after that post was pretty rough too, but every day since has been a little better. I've been keeping my head up, busting my butt at the gym, and keeping up with the healthy food. It also feels like a small victory every day when I put my jeans on and they continue to feel loose-fitting.
Second, I'd like to share this other blog I hear about called 366 Random Acts of Kindness. I haven't had a lot of time to sit down and read it, but it seems really inspiring!
Keep an eye out tomorrow for more of an update - time to go play cards for now!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
What Now?
The title of this blog says it all - it sums up my overall goal in 4 words. I know things can't change overnight, I know you can't just flip a light switch and suddenly everything seems 10x brighter. I think today - at least within the last few hours of today - has been rough.
While I'm happy with the way my eating habits have changed, and I'm proud of myself for going to the gym as frequently as possible, I'm finding it hard to accept myself the way I am. Granted, I'm trying to alter my physical appearance, but I've been like this for so long that it seems a lot of my confidence has been drained. And not just about how I look either. I stress over a quiz worth 5 points, but hardly feel relieved when I find out I got all 5 points. I constantly compare myself to others when it comes to bowling, always worried about letting someone down or not living up to this expectation that I seem to think others have of me. I've realized that I've been quite unsocial lately, zoning out at bowling where I'm surrounded by friends and people who care about me, I've had no desire to make plans to be social, and to put it bluntly, I've become a bump on a log.
Like I mentioned from the very beginning of this post, my feelings right now could just be because of a bad day. I could wake up tomorrow and feel a hundred times better. But these are real feelings that shouldn't be ignored. It's like that overwhelming urge to just cry and cry and cry until you can't cry anymore, and then suddenly you'll feel better.
I'm also at this major moment in my life, where I need to take my responsibility even further, I need to graduate, find a full-time job in my field, and really grow up. And it's so cliche to say that I'm scared, but I'm really scared. I don't feel like I'm prepared enough to take that next step. I don't know if I'll be able to find a job that I actually want to do, or if I'll be able to get health insurance or pay for basic necessities.
You never, ever stop growing up. Throughout your entire life there will be something for you to learn, about the world, yourself, your friends and family, everything. I just thought that by now I'd have a fairly solid understanding of how the world works and what I really want out of life. But can I honestly say that I do?
No. I can't. There are so many things I don't understand that I thought I would by now. I also thought I'd be happy with who I am as a person, but I can't say that I am entirely. There are many aspects of myself that I do like, and that I'm proud of. I'm happy with decisions I've made in the past and how I handled myself in tough situations. But this attempt at a physical transformation has also given rise to questions about myself at a more intimate, emotional level as well.
I'm not searching for the meaning of life per se, but I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person. What makes me who I am? What is it about me that is appealing to others? (And I don't mean that in an intimate way at all - I mean generally, as a friend, a confidante.) What makes me sexy? What defines me?
Whenever I ask myself those questions I can never really come up with an answer, and that's what bothers me. That's what gets me down. Maybe it's because I'm so focused on the negative things that I don't want to be included in the definition of me. Maybe it's because I haven't developed my positive qualities enough so that I can recognize them as who I am. Whatever it is, it bothers me, and today just happens to be one of those days where I've thought about those questions, and I'm left without an answer.
While I'm happy with the way my eating habits have changed, and I'm proud of myself for going to the gym as frequently as possible, I'm finding it hard to accept myself the way I am. Granted, I'm trying to alter my physical appearance, but I've been like this for so long that it seems a lot of my confidence has been drained. And not just about how I look either. I stress over a quiz worth 5 points, but hardly feel relieved when I find out I got all 5 points. I constantly compare myself to others when it comes to bowling, always worried about letting someone down or not living up to this expectation that I seem to think others have of me. I've realized that I've been quite unsocial lately, zoning out at bowling where I'm surrounded by friends and people who care about me, I've had no desire to make plans to be social, and to put it bluntly, I've become a bump on a log.
Like I mentioned from the very beginning of this post, my feelings right now could just be because of a bad day. I could wake up tomorrow and feel a hundred times better. But these are real feelings that shouldn't be ignored. It's like that overwhelming urge to just cry and cry and cry until you can't cry anymore, and then suddenly you'll feel better.
I'm also at this major moment in my life, where I need to take my responsibility even further, I need to graduate, find a full-time job in my field, and really grow up. And it's so cliche to say that I'm scared, but I'm really scared. I don't feel like I'm prepared enough to take that next step. I don't know if I'll be able to find a job that I actually want to do, or if I'll be able to get health insurance or pay for basic necessities.
You never, ever stop growing up. Throughout your entire life there will be something for you to learn, about the world, yourself, your friends and family, everything. I just thought that by now I'd have a fairly solid understanding of how the world works and what I really want out of life. But can I honestly say that I do?
No. I can't. There are so many things I don't understand that I thought I would by now. I also thought I'd be happy with who I am as a person, but I can't say that I am entirely. There are many aspects of myself that I do like, and that I'm proud of. I'm happy with decisions I've made in the past and how I handled myself in tough situations. But this attempt at a physical transformation has also given rise to questions about myself at a more intimate, emotional level as well.
I'm not searching for the meaning of life per se, but I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person. What makes me who I am? What is it about me that is appealing to others? (And I don't mean that in an intimate way at all - I mean generally, as a friend, a confidante.) What makes me sexy? What defines me?
Whenever I ask myself those questions I can never really come up with an answer, and that's what bothers me. That's what gets me down. Maybe it's because I'm so focused on the negative things that I don't want to be included in the definition of me. Maybe it's because I haven't developed my positive qualities enough so that I can recognize them as who I am. Whatever it is, it bothers me, and today just happens to be one of those days where I've thought about those questions, and I'm left without an answer.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I Didn't Disappear!
I fell off the blog bandwagon for a few days, but I didn't end my quest! In fact, I've been doing quite well! I've been to the gym 3 days this week already, I've practiced a few days, I bowled well last night, and I've been eating great. I'm so happy with the ways things are going now, and I can't wait to see some awesome results. (I've got a dress that I love but don't fit into anymore, and I'd like to fit into it again in time for the bowling banquet and graduation!)
Already, in the week or so that I've been going to the gym, I've had to push myself harder, using a higher resistance and incline when doing my cardio workout, and I've increased some of the weights another 5-10 pounds for a set or two. It's really motivating, and it really makes me want to keep going and keep improving.
I've been thinking about putting together a motivational playlist for my iPod - staring up at Paula Deen making butter-filled pastries isn't exactly helping anything - so once I do that, I'll share with you some of the songs I like to listen to so I can get pumped and moving quicker.
I also want to share this story before I go: How I Lost 130 Pounds. Another great success story, proving that this can be done, not only as a temporary, short-term goal, but as an overall lifestyle change. Baby steps are definitely the way to go, and eventually you'll see results, or notice that you can lift more weight, or fit into those old jeans. Keep working hard, keep eating healthy, and stay active. Don't give up, no matter how hard it gets.
Already, in the week or so that I've been going to the gym, I've had to push myself harder, using a higher resistance and incline when doing my cardio workout, and I've increased some of the weights another 5-10 pounds for a set or two. It's really motivating, and it really makes me want to keep going and keep improving.
I've been thinking about putting together a motivational playlist for my iPod - staring up at Paula Deen making butter-filled pastries isn't exactly helping anything - so once I do that, I'll share with you some of the songs I like to listen to so I can get pumped and moving quicker.
I also want to share this story before I go: How I Lost 130 Pounds. Another great success story, proving that this can be done, not only as a temporary, short-term goal, but as an overall lifestyle change. Baby steps are definitely the way to go, and eventually you'll see results, or notice that you can lift more weight, or fit into those old jeans. Keep working hard, keep eating healthy, and stay active. Don't give up, no matter how hard it gets.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Little Sore
Well! Here we were, past the 3 week mark, and it really is getting a little easier to eat healthy. I still get cravings at weird hours of the day (specifically right before bed!), and I do still want to eat some of my favorite junk foods, but cutting pop and juice out has been successful, and controlling those portion sizes is a lot easier too. I'm still working on incorporating new foods and recipes, but overall I'm feeling a lot better and starting to believe that I really can make this happen.
I do attribute that feeling to going to the gym as well. I've gone a few times now, and I'm actually looking forward to going whenever I can. I couldn't go today because I'm in class when my parents go, and I was pretty bummed about it! I'm feeling sore (in all the right ways) and I want to keep pushing myself to go further. I really, really feel like I can do this!
I want to take a moment to thank everyone that has been supporting me through this journey, and give a special shout out to everyone that actually takes the time to read this blog. I know I'm not the most witty person, nor are my posts particularly interesting (I think), but I do hope you find the links useful, and are encouraged to try to better your lives as well. It's not about fitting into the ideal of society, it's about feeling good in your own skin and being healthy. Keep working hard, and I promise I will too!
I do attribute that feeling to going to the gym as well. I've gone a few times now, and I'm actually looking forward to going whenever I can. I couldn't go today because I'm in class when my parents go, and I was pretty bummed about it! I'm feeling sore (in all the right ways) and I want to keep pushing myself to go further. I really, really feel like I can do this!
I want to take a moment to thank everyone that has been supporting me through this journey, and give a special shout out to everyone that actually takes the time to read this blog. I know I'm not the most witty person, nor are my posts particularly interesting (I think), but I do hope you find the links useful, and are encouraged to try to better your lives as well. It's not about fitting into the ideal of society, it's about feeling good in your own skin and being healthy. Keep working hard, and I promise I will too!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Trail Mix
So, calorie counting went out the window this weekend - understanding it, that is. I went to Anna's JROTC competition Saturday morning, spent almost 2 hours at the gym, took a nap, and celebrated Dad's birthday with dinner and a bit of cake. And today I caught up on a little sleep, got sucked into bowling a tournament (thought I have no idea why), and went to dinner with Nate's family.
I have eaten pretty well - not the best, but better than before this blog for sure. I also stopped on the way home tonight to pick up some fresh fruit, and a few things for home made trail mix - Multi Grain Cheerios, almonds, cherry-infused craisins and some dark chocolate M&Ms. I eyeballed the mixing/serving size, but I'd say the entire container of trail mix for each day is about 1/4 cup, and I've got plenty of leftover ingredients to make more.
I'm looking forward to getting back into the gym this week (at least 3 times if I have anything to say about it). I'm pretty sore today, in my arms/shoulders, but it's a good kind of sore. I don't feel overworked, and I can still move and pick things up, it's just a little uncomfortable instead of painful. I'm guessing that means I did something right? Either way, it felt great to be active and I slept a lot better last night.
A real quick link before I go, 20 Best Foods for Fiber. I've already added whole wheat/whole grain to my diet, which was a pretty big change for me to get used to. I can definitely begin making the change to all whole wheat ingredients now, including pasta. I've added oatmeal, but I still can't eat it every day - it's a texture thing! I already love my fruits/veggies, like apples, raspberries and (a little bit of) broccoli. What I would like to work on incorporating is brown rice, which would seem like a change similar to switching from white to wheat bread, and I'd like to try more avocado. I've only had it a few times, on sandwiches I've ordered out (my fave was a roasted turkey sandwich from 'wichcraft in Vegas), and avocado was the saving grace in the sushi I tried that nearly killed me (not really, but it wasn't very appetizing!). I'm not sure if I'd like the whole guacamole thing, but I could definitely go for the raw version on sandwiches! Got any avocado recipes? Please share!
I have eaten pretty well - not the best, but better than before this blog for sure. I also stopped on the way home tonight to pick up some fresh fruit, and a few things for home made trail mix - Multi Grain Cheerios, almonds, cherry-infused craisins and some dark chocolate M&Ms. I eyeballed the mixing/serving size, but I'd say the entire container of trail mix for each day is about 1/4 cup, and I've got plenty of leftover ingredients to make more.
I'm looking forward to getting back into the gym this week (at least 3 times if I have anything to say about it). I'm pretty sore today, in my arms/shoulders, but it's a good kind of sore. I don't feel overworked, and I can still move and pick things up, it's just a little uncomfortable instead of painful. I'm guessing that means I did something right? Either way, it felt great to be active and I slept a lot better last night.
A real quick link before I go, 20 Best Foods for Fiber. I've already added whole wheat/whole grain to my diet, which was a pretty big change for me to get used to. I can definitely begin making the change to all whole wheat ingredients now, including pasta. I've added oatmeal, but I still can't eat it every day - it's a texture thing! I already love my fruits/veggies, like apples, raspberries and (a little bit of) broccoli. What I would like to work on incorporating is brown rice, which would seem like a change similar to switching from white to wheat bread, and I'd like to try more avocado. I've only had it a few times, on sandwiches I've ordered out (my fave was a roasted turkey sandwich from 'wichcraft in Vegas), and avocado was the saving grace in the sushi I tried that nearly killed me (not really, but it wasn't very appetizing!). I'm not sure if I'd like the whole guacamole thing, but I could definitely go for the raw version on sandwiches! Got any avocado recipes? Please share!
Friday, January 27, 2012
The Gym
Wow. Well, I skipped a post yesterday, my apologies. Had a rough night at bowling, got home late, and was feeling guilty about my Taco Bell fix on the way back home. This whole process is not as easy as it sounds, and I definitely have some good days and some bad days.
Today went a bit better though, and it included my first-ever trip to an actual gym. I didn't do a lot there, but I got started, and I actually want to go back again and start pushing myself. I did a half hour on a treadmill will varying speeds and inclines (had to reduce the incline after a short while though because my hip was hurting), and then I did 20 minutes on a stationary bike, with 1:30 lengths of a decent speed, then :30 of doubled speed to raise the heart rate. About 10 minutes in, I was ready to give up, but I kept going for the full 20 minutes, and I'm proud of myself for that. Gotta celebrate the little things, right?
I'm not gonna lie, being at the gym was a little intimidating, especially because I saw a few people I know. It's different telling people online about my journey, because they usually don't see this until after I've already logged off for the day, and I can't see their reaction in person. No, the people I saw today didn't come up and say anything to me, nor did they even give me a passing glance, but it was still a scary beginning and messed with my confidence a little bit.
One thing I am surprised about (for now), is that I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be. Granted, I did exercises that my body has done before, but I still expected to come away feeling tightness in my legs and hips. If anything, my leg feels a bit better now that they've been stretched out and used in a non-bowling way.
I'm definitely going to buckle down and focus on learning a bit more about a balanced diet and counting calories this weekend, and try to make it to the gym again as often as possible. I'm excited to see what kind of shape I can get into. Maybe it'll help with the self confidence issues? We'll see!
Today went a bit better though, and it included my first-ever trip to an actual gym. I didn't do a lot there, but I got started, and I actually want to go back again and start pushing myself. I did a half hour on a treadmill will varying speeds and inclines (had to reduce the incline after a short while though because my hip was hurting), and then I did 20 minutes on a stationary bike, with 1:30 lengths of a decent speed, then :30 of doubled speed to raise the heart rate. About 10 minutes in, I was ready to give up, but I kept going for the full 20 minutes, and I'm proud of myself for that. Gotta celebrate the little things, right?
I'm not gonna lie, being at the gym was a little intimidating, especially because I saw a few people I know. It's different telling people online about my journey, because they usually don't see this until after I've already logged off for the day, and I can't see their reaction in person. No, the people I saw today didn't come up and say anything to me, nor did they even give me a passing glance, but it was still a scary beginning and messed with my confidence a little bit.
One thing I am surprised about (for now), is that I'm not as sore as I thought I'd be. Granted, I did exercises that my body has done before, but I still expected to come away feeling tightness in my legs and hips. If anything, my leg feels a bit better now that they've been stretched out and used in a non-bowling way.
I'm definitely going to buckle down and focus on learning a bit more about a balanced diet and counting calories this weekend, and try to make it to the gym again as often as possible. I'm excited to see what kind of shape I can get into. Maybe it'll help with the self confidence issues? We'll see!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Rescue
What a day! I definitely did not sleep well last night, which resulted in me being very tired after work, and ended with me not being productive at all. I did fairly well though, some fruit and water for breakfast/grazing through my internship, half of a yummy BBQ beef brisket sandwich at Traffic Jam (which was on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives!) for lunch with my sweetheart, a nice loooooong nap, and a bowl of cereal and whole grain toast for dinner. We'll be switching things up tomorrow and doing breakfast for dinner, so I'm going to try to stick to a lot of fruit and some lunch meat to get be through the day.
I wasn't completely useless today, which is why I titled this post 'Rescue.' When Dad and Anna got home from the store today, I went to unlock the door and let the dogs in, and there was a chocolate lab sitting by the gate! Friendly, well groomed, so he had to be a pet that had just escaped a yard or someone's house. But he didn't have a name tag on, so I didn't know who to call. I ran inside to get the phone number for Animal Control, called them and they were closed. So I went back out to try to find the dog again, and maybe sit with him outside to see if someone would come out looking for him. Unfortunately, he was gone, but I did spot another dog, probably about 8 lbs, and a breed I couldn't name off-hand. I scooped him (her?) up too, and ended up waiting outside to see if someone would come claim this dog. When a neighbor a few houses down poked their head out the front door and whistled for a dog, it clicked that this might be the dog they were looking for. Turns out it was, and they had already snagged their lab and brought him back inside too. I might not have reunited an owner from across town with their beloved pet, but I did help a neighbor rescue their little guy from the cold, and it felt pretty good to do so.
I typically rely on the Yahoo News homepage for updates throughout the day, and I can almost always count on them having at least one article in the top stories about health and/or fitness. No such luck today! I also haven't gotten around to finding a chart/table/article with a calorie counter for everyday foods yet - that's my goal for this weekend. I do still have a link to share though! This will only work for a short time (maybe a week or so), but give it a listen if you'd like! I'm currently interning at 96.3 WDVD, and I made my on-air "debut" this morning, because something funny happened with me and a fellow intern. Blaine & Allyson decided it was a worthy topic, and brought me on air to explain what went down. If you follow the link and look for the podcast titled "Accidental Text" you should be able to hear exactly what happened. 96.3 WDVD Podcasts Enjoy!
I wasn't completely useless today, which is why I titled this post 'Rescue.' When Dad and Anna got home from the store today, I went to unlock the door and let the dogs in, and there was a chocolate lab sitting by the gate! Friendly, well groomed, so he had to be a pet that had just escaped a yard or someone's house. But he didn't have a name tag on, so I didn't know who to call. I ran inside to get the phone number for Animal Control, called them and they were closed. So I went back out to try to find the dog again, and maybe sit with him outside to see if someone would come out looking for him. Unfortunately, he was gone, but I did spot another dog, probably about 8 lbs, and a breed I couldn't name off-hand. I scooped him (her?) up too, and ended up waiting outside to see if someone would come claim this dog. When a neighbor a few houses down poked their head out the front door and whistled for a dog, it clicked that this might be the dog they were looking for. Turns out it was, and they had already snagged their lab and brought him back inside too. I might not have reunited an owner from across town with their beloved pet, but I did help a neighbor rescue their little guy from the cold, and it felt pretty good to do so.
I typically rely on the Yahoo News homepage for updates throughout the day, and I can almost always count on them having at least one article in the top stories about health and/or fitness. No such luck today! I also haven't gotten around to finding a chart/table/article with a calorie counter for everyday foods yet - that's my goal for this weekend. I do still have a link to share though! This will only work for a short time (maybe a week or so), but give it a listen if you'd like! I'm currently interning at 96.3 WDVD, and I made my on-air "debut" this morning, because something funny happened with me and a fellow intern. Blaine & Allyson decided it was a worthy topic, and brought me on air to explain what went down. If you follow the link and look for the podcast titled "Accidental Text" you should be able to hear exactly what happened. 96.3 WDVD Podcasts Enjoy!
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