Here Goes Nothing

Where to begin? How about with the truth. I'm not happy with myself, plain and simple. I'm not unhappy about my relationships or school, but I'm unhappy with my body. I knew it six months ago when stretch marks showed up on my legs, when I couldn't fit in my size 8 jeans anymore, and I definitely knew it when I stepped on the scale at the doctors office last week and the number glaring up at me was 181.5.

Some of you might be saying, Wow, 180 is great! Size 12 is beautiful! I don't buy it. By no means do I need to be a size 0, or weigh 100 pounds. But I've been healthier and smaller and weighed a lot less than 180, and I was all of that only 2 years ago.

Honestly, my unhappiness isn't solely based on the number, but more about how I feel, how I look, and how healthy I am. Aside from bowling and walking at work, I am in no way active. I indulge in a snack (or two or three) almost every day that isn't healthy for me, I eat late at night, and I eat in front of the TV. I've broken just about every rule of healthy eating and have done everything right to gain weight, not lose it. It's time to fix that.

According to the BMI calculator on webMD, I'm overweight.

          The person's weight in pounds and height in inches: BMI = (pounds x 700) divided by (inches squared)
          For me, that means (181.5 x 700) / (67 in squared) = 127050 / 4489 = 28.3
          If your BMI is 25 to 29.9, you are in the overweight category. 

This was absolutely frightening to learn. While falling into this category doesn't necessarily mean you're unhealthy, I know I am, since I'm not active and my eating habits are horrible. Bordering that close to obesity isn't a pleasant feeling. Ideally, I should weigh somewhere between 130 and 160, depending on my healthy habits.

My goal for myself is to weigh 140 pounds, and/or fit into a size 6, whichever comes first. The ultimate goal is to develop healthy and active habits so I can naturally prevent as many health problems as I can, and to get back to a place where I am comfortable with my body again.

What's my motivation? My health first and foremost. My poor puppy has also been suffering from a lack of activity, so she will be the motivation to get up and move, even if that means walks and bike rides in freezing weather. Second, my happiness. I've been so miserable with myself that it's been pouring out of me and into my relationships - not cool. And last but not least, my appearance. I want to wear that size 6!

So, how am I going to get this done? I already know I can take bike rides Mondays/Wednesdays after my internship, and Tuesdays/Thursdays before class, so that's a start. I'm also cutting out pop - except for the very occasional Bacardi and Coke - and chips, which I've done before, with success. I'd also like to cut out the fast food, i.e. Taco Bell and KFC. (So long grease-soaked beef product!) I can't deprive myself of all yummy-tasting foods - tried that, didn't work - but I can cut back; only one little snack per day, if I'm really feeling the urge and I've eaten healthy all day. (Only one scoop of ice cream, not four!) It's time to increase the amount of fruits and veggies I eat, and make sure I eat good stuff that makes me feel full so I eat less.
I'm also going to make every attempt to keep up with this blog. (I'm not even sure that anyone will read it, though I hope someone does.) I plan to keep track of everything I eat throughout the day, post it on here, and use that to really take a look at what I'm eating and how I can make it better. (I might even vent about the stuff that's bugging me, sorry!) I'm going to be completely honest with myself and anyone who might read this. I might include pictures of food, motivation, or even my stretch marks (ugh). I'm going to share any progress I feel I've made, as well as any success I might have found in other parts of my life.

It's time to make a change in my life so that I can be happy again, and I'm willing to try anything. If you're reading this, thank you. If you're supporting me, thank you. If you're here to hold me back, get out of my way, because I want this more than anything right now, and I will run you over like Ndomukong Suh. Here's to 2012 and getting back to happy!